her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sext me about skeletons
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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