Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
