how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
