I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
