I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i think my cat just said my name.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
