it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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