I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
