he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
