I wish I only lived at night.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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