I look better un-naked...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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