Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
