Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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