eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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