There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
