What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
