I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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