I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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