I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
