nut hugger
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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