My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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