i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
