i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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