Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I see more hoeing in ur future
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