so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
