she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
