You're my little dorito
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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