and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
