... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
