my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
