Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
