There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize