Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm both gender and math confused
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
