best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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