I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
