Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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