Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
