dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
