i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
