Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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