she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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