dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
