the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
