I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
