it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
