You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
