I met the friendliest cop last night
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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