the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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