I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
