I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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