That's intense
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
