I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
