she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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