I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
