Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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