ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
