So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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