At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
